This trip back to Sweden has been really hard.

It’s been hard because it’s hit me just how much older my grandma is. She’s been visiting me and my family in Aus. for years. She’d come during the spring or summer and spend a few weeks with us and I love her for it. In that time, in my eyes, she hadn’t aged. Physically or mentally. But in the last few years she had a hip replacement. When I came here on my own in ‘09 she was still recovering from the operation and it was a bit of a shock to see her use a walking stick. But her mental faculties were still okay, she forgot little things and such but it wasn’t so noticeable.

Spending so much time with her again, a few years down the track, I can really notice her memory is getting really quite bad. It’s difficult having the same conversations 4 or 5 times in a short space of time and I’m ashamed to say it’s really difficult not to get frustrated with her, and myself. My great grandmother died from Alzheimer’s a few years back and in the end she didn’t couldn’t recognise her children.

I’m really close to my g-ma, and considering we live on opposite sides of the world, I think it’s pretty impressive. I don’t want her to get older and forget me, I’m just glad her sister lives with her and can help her when she needs it.

My mum’s arriving in Stockholm tomorrow, I’m hoping she’ll be able to cope with the change in my grandma better than I have(n’t). She’s so great, she just dropped everything and said ‘right I’m coming!’. I’m a stupid head and I really could do with a mama bear cuddle.

life sucks man, it really does.