Been feeling pretty shitty today, spent the last few hours writing everything down. After a while of writing, I thought I’d have a go at a poem. I haven’t written a poem since high school! I think the last poem I wrote was about a dragon and a cave or something… I’ve never really been exceptionally good with words, but hey at least I gave it a go.
Go go depressing, angsty, emo poem! Yaaay!
You have no idea what it’s like,
To want to die.
You have no idea what it’s like having your little brother,
Kneeling beside you, holding you, with tears in his eyes.
Telling you to “Just hold on,”
While your twisted body convulses in the most grotesque of ways.
You have no idea what it’s like to end up,
In the emergency ward for six hours convulsing and wetting yourself.
Aware of the doctors and nurses desperately try to expel,
Every last bit of the toxic drugs out of your system.
Aware that It’s far too late to pump your stomach.
You have no idea what it’s like finally opening your eyes,
And seeing your weary fathers’ expressionless face,
Staring at you from across the unfamiliar room.
His watchful gaze searching for something on your face,
That doesn’t seem to be there.
You have no idea what it’s like to see your mother
Rush to your bedside after having travelled across states all day and night,
To make sure her little girl is still alive and breathing.
To make sure somewhere inside of you, her little girl still exists.
You have no idea what it’s like to feel so helpless,
When you need to ask for help with even the smallest of tasks.
Every time you need to move,
Your bruised and aching body.
You have no idea what it’s like to come to the realisation,
Of the mortifying and agonising guilt of what you’ve done.
Of what you’ve put your loved ones through.
To feel like a poisonous parasite devouring all that is good,
Leaving nothing but misery and heartache in it’s place.
You have no idea what it’s like,
To want to die.
