“I would say I’m just a girl, but I don’t usually feel like one. I don’t usually feel human at all. A body walking, talking, thinking. Animated consciousness. I recognise the world around me, though it feels as if someone else is stimulating my actions as I witness from afar.” - excerpt from Beyond the Borderline Personality
This girl, Haven, she says it all so perfectly and succinctly.
That whole text put into words, what I haven’t been able to verbalise properly before.
I am lonely. Not alone, simply lonely. I have the company of my mummy (and brother) every now and then. But my mum is busy catching babies, looking after newborns, trying to secure a midwifery job after her graduation and being super human. My brother is in an ongoing and passionate affair with his computer and the games which are contained within. I used to have my wonderful companion, Max. He was more than just a pet or a dog to me. But he’s gone now, and I’m lonely.
I haven’t spoken to anyone properly in about a week. I don’t mind, I don’t have much to say most of the time. Nothing important anyway.
Right now, I’m just floating. Suspended in time. Waiting for all the great things in store for me in the coming weeks.
I’m going to be going to Canberra for 5 days in September to spend time with, and get to know, my Aunt and little cousin Max. Just after my birthday, on the 1st of October I’m going to be travelling to New Zealand, just me and my Dad. Then at the very end of October I’ll be going away to Sweden for 7 months to spend some much needed time with far away family.
I won’t always be lonely, I know I won’t.
But for now, I’m just lonely.