got stuff on my mind, just feel the need to write out some depressing things.

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~wots happenin in mah lyf~

Why do most of the embassies in capital cities look so scary and daunting?

Lawd was the US embassy huge… with an equally huge spikey fence and srs looking guards. I secretly thanked my lucky stars I’m not a US citizen and had to go inside that embassy… 

The Swedish embassy was much less scary. I still think it’s silly that every Swede living in Australia has to come to Canberra to renew their passports now. Something to do with digitising the photo and fingerprints or something.

I felt like a bit of a fraudulent Swede though… I didn’t understand the more complex questions on the forms and I’m not able to actually speak Swedish. I’m surprised I was able to understand what the other Swedes there were talking about considering I don’t hear it very often at all.

It was so comforting to hear Swedish again. Made me a bit homesick. But I’ll be there soon enough! Right now I’m too busy chasing after my gorgeous little cousin and trying to help out my Aunty. Toddlers are srsly hard work! Major props to every mother ever.

I wonder how a birthday party in a hall full of toddlers early in the morning will go… wish me luck?

I just realised, from today until the 1st of June next year, I will practically be living out of a suitcase…

I’ve become an expert at packing, separate households will do that to you, especially if they live in different states!

Packing for my quick trips to Canberra and then New Zealand is a piece of pie because they’re only week long trips.

Despite my expertise, I’m seriously freaking the fuck out about packing for a 7 month trip. Most of the space will be taken up by a supply of medicines and supplements. I don’t think I’ll have very much room for clothes at all… Luckily my Grandma and Great Aunt have a stash of proper Swedish winter clothes in the attic.

I’m gonna get cultured and shit! Yeehaw!

GPOY; Today I have officially lost 17.2 kgs (37.9 lbs) and am not overweight anymore edition!

Started the overhaul in March with the help of the hormone specialist. Only 2.8 kgs to go and I’ll have reached my 20 kg goal! Whee!

My butt is now immune to pain thanks to my trusty cycling machine. Now where do I sign up for the Tour de France?

(Also, pro-tip: trampolines are ace for cardio.)

Please excuse me while I go watch myself flex my superbly sculpted and sexy body.

A survey filled with very good questions!

looted from Laura (crepusculars)

Because I know that you all want to know more about me… and I also know that you have nothing better to do…

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“I would say I’m just a girl, but I don’t usually feel like one. I don’t usually feel human at all. A body walking, talking, thinking. Animated consciousness. I recognise the world around me, though it feels as if someone else is stimulating my actions as I witness from afar.” - excerpt from Beyond the Borderline Personality

This girl, Haven, she says it all so perfectly and succinctly.

That whole text put into words, what I haven’t been able to verbalise properly before.

I am lonely. Not alone, simply lonely. I have the company of my mummy (and brother) every now and then. But my mum is busy catching babies, looking after newborns, trying to secure a midwifery job after her graduation and being super human. My brother is in an ongoing and passionate affair with his computer and the games which are contained within. I used to have my wonderful companion, Max. He was more than just a pet or a dog to me. But he’s gone now, and I’m lonely.

I haven’t spoken to anyone properly in about a week. I don’t mind, I don’t have much to say most of the time. Nothing important anyway.

Right now, I’m just floating. Suspended in time. Waiting for all the great things in store for me in the coming weeks.

I’m going to be going to Canberra for 5 days in September to spend time with, and get to know, my Aunt and little cousin Max. Just after my birthday, on the 1st of October I’m going to be travelling to New Zealand, just me and my Dad. Then at the very end of October I’ll be going away to Sweden for 7 months to spend some much needed time with far away family.

I won’t always be lonely, I know I won’t.

But for now, I’m just lonely.

karaphotographsthings:

untitled, 2011

HB pencil and Photoshop CS5 brushes

Sketched from my brain box… Breasticles! Nipples! Yay!

I needa practice more with plain old pencil sketching, still quite rusty on the proportion side of things. Should probably use a reference next time…

I guess that’s what I get for not drawing for almost 2 years!

Oh well, I’m making up for it now.

Potentially going to New Zealand with my Dad in October! Whee!

Either that or Tasmania… I pick New Zealand! I do love Tasmania but I’ve been there many times before… It’d be cool to hop across the pond.

I’m also going to Canberra for 5 days in September to visit my babby cousin for his birthday party and for the Floriade festival. And then comes my 7 month trip in November to the Sweden motherland! I’ll be all aeroplaned out by then.

Saving up has definitely paid off, I highly recommend it!

I miss my dog. So very much.

Everything I used to enjoy doing, I did with him.

Sitting on the couch and watching tv, eating (especially crumpets, he loved those) and sleeping.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I’ve barely slept since he hasn’t been there to keep me company at night.

Night time was never a good time for me. When I’d groggily open my eyes from a nightmare, he’d be there standing in front of my face with a wiggly bum or lying on the pillow next to me with his face close to mine.

I’m so tired. So very tired.

I just want my Max back.

Had the most traumatic experience at the Women’s and Children’s hospital this afternoon. Ready for a sad story? 

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Been feeling pretty shitty today, spent the last few hours writing everything down. After a while of writing, I thought I’d have a go at a poem. I haven’t written a poem since high school! I think the last poem I wrote was about a dragon and a cave or something… I’ve never really been exceptionally good with words, but hey at least I gave it a go.

Go go depressing, angsty, emo poem! Yaaay!

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View high resolution

So this is the first thing that I see as soon as I sign in on tumblr.

Bre was kind enough to reblog my post about BPD that I made back in early June. It was hard to write but I thought at least someone would read it and possibly learn something or take something positive away from it.

Then some fucker decides to reblog it, most likely with out reading the entire contents, just to make a wanky remark about “how fucking nuts” the people that I listed as examples of potential BPD sufferers are. Was that supposed to be a passive aggressive jab at my own personality? Was it meant to make your followers laugh at my expense? To make fun of people with mental health disorders?

Bitch, you don’t even know me. Fuck off. I don’t care that you deleted the post off of your blog, I still get to see it. I don’t care that it could’ve been meant as a joke, did it ever occur to you that I might not have taken it that way? THAT’S WHAT THE ORIGINAL FUCKING POST WAS ABOUT YOU FUCKING MORON.

I know I’m being a hypocrite by swearing my tits off at this random wanker who probably wont even read this, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m bleeding from my lady parts and I’m fucking angry at the ignorance of some fucking people. You fucking fuck.

UP AND AT THEM!

Got out of bed at 6am, all packed and ready. I am an organizational beast!

Watch out Brisbane, I’m coming for you!

See you d00dz L8r.

P.S I packed an extra large suitcase so I can kidnap Sarah and bring her back to Adelaide.

20, twenty, vingt, zwanzig, veinte, tjugo, двадцать, dwadzieścia.

I’m positively terrified of turning 20 this september.

It’s not so much that I’m scared of the superficiality of ageing such as wrinkles, grey hairs and sagging bits. I’m scared about the bigger responsibilities. The decisions. The maturity. The future. The fact that I’m leaving teenagerdom and my childhood behind me.

I feel like I’m being pushed out on a ledge that I’m no where near ready to be on. How can I be an adult? It just seems impossible.

I guess I’m scared of everything moving forward so much faster, like it seems to have done in the last two or three years. With me standing still, feeling perpetually left behind and stuck just as I am. Not old. Not young. Not mature. Not immature. Never changing. Never feeling quite present. Just… suspended, I suppose. 

Sometimes it’s hard to think of age as just a number and nothing more.

Growing up sucks balls.

Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, Winona Ryder, Princess Diana, Courtney Love, Christina Ricci, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Pete Doherty, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse.

These people all suffer or are thought to suffer from

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